It’s not getting any easier.

People act
like you’re supposed
to just get over things like this.

Like
there’s a finish line to grief,
and once you cross it,
you’re good.

But it doesn’t work like that.

And
when I say
it’s not getting any easier,
I don’t mean
I spend most days
in tears
or stuck
in the “why.”

What I mean is
—I haven’t figured out—
how
to remember him yet.

You know
how you can
take memories,
moments,
little instances
of your life
and place them
in spots of value,
like markers
of whom you are?

I don’t know how to do that.

So instead…

I try
not
to think of him.

But of course,
that doesn’t work
all the time.

What I am doing is this:
I’m praying.
I’m writing.
I’m exercising.
I’m planning for my future.

Because honestly,
that’s all I can do right now.

And hopefully
—one day—
it does get easier.

All I’m sayin’ is…🫦
sometimes
survival looks like
doing the small things,
you can,
while waiting
on the peace you need.

—Reina Dee 🌿