It feels like
it’s been a long time
since I’ve sat down
to write in my online journal.

Lately,
I’ve been asking myself
a lot of questions
about my life.

I got stuck
in the editing process
for my book A Day at School,
so, I switched gears
and started editing
another project I created,
The Miscreants.

I’m really
excited about that one.

Truth is,
I’m excited about all of my books,
and I hope
I can get them ready
for readers
as soon as possible.

But honestly,
I’ve been torn.

Do I spend my time writing?

Or

Do I put more energy
into endeavors
that might be more
financially
lucrative?

The thing is,
I just want
to be happy and content.

I spent all of my youth
building businesses
to provide for my family.

And yes,
I enjoyed parts of it
—but the “do or die” pressure
of raising five children
who depend on my businesses
with no real support?

That kind of weight was tremendous.

Now,
After being
the head of the house
myself for so long,
I just want
the chance to support
and nurture
my future husband,
fully understanding
how heavy
his responsibilities will be.

I love writing
—it feeds me—
but
I also can’t ignore
the importance
of producing income
for my own financial future.

The bills
still get paid,
I still have some business
but lately
I feel this pressure
to “prove”
something.

And that’s wild,
because
I’ve been doing
this since before some folks
even had
their driver’s licenses.

Oh well.
I’ll keep praying on it,
and I’ll keep asking
for guidance
as I figure out
which path to follow.

—Reina Dee 🌿