All I’m Sayin’ Is…🫦
I’m up late.
Again.
Smokin’.
Not sleeping much these days.

I miss Micah.
I miss my grandsons.
I miss my son.

I still can’t wrap my head around the fact
-that he hates me this much.
The pain of it
—it sits so deep,
I don’t even think I want to heal from it.

Because my son is irreplaceable to me.

And my grandsons, Micah and Mikel?
They’re not just grandchildren
-they feel like my own children.
I cared for them like they were mine.

Trusted my son with the most precious,
most important pieces of my heart.

And he lied to me.

That betrayal cuts,
but what keeps me up at night
isn’t just the lie.

It’s the longing.

The ache to hold them in my arms again.
The pain of knowing I can’t keep them safe.

It’s a heavy kind of loneliness.
One I can’t smoke away,
can’t cry away,
can’t sleep away.

All I’m sayin’ is…🫦
love shouldn’t hurt this bad.